Sunday, December 14, 2014

Saturday, December 13, 2014

WTH Moments: "Thor - God of Thunder" for the Nintendo DS

I'm a huge fan of Thor, Marvel's comic book series. Oh, you might think it's just because I'm a Vikingophile, but no, actually; what got me hooked was Walt Simonson's amazing run writing (and also drawing, at first) for the character, from Thor #337 (1977) to #382 (1986). He basically reinvented the character, and he did it not by discarding everything that had been done before him, but simply by changing the focus of the series - Thor still acted as a traditional super-hero, but now his stories dealt a lot more with Asgard and fantasy-mythical elements based off real-life Norse mythology. The character had other great writers - Tom DeFalco's run comes to mind -, but Simonson is my favourite to this day.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Dresden Files Storm Front Actual Rewrite Part 1

The book really is totally fixable, probably because it's structured so the plot is doing most of the heavy lifting. Just replace Misogynist Character Quirk with Non-Misogynist Character Quirk and fill in some plotholes.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Augie and the Green Knight

This is a really cute book.

“HAHAHAHAHA!” was the noise coming from
Augie’s mouth.
The local news had just declared school canceled
due to a freak snowstorm. Augie rubbed her
palms together as she eyed the gathering clouds.
“Snow, snow, snow,” she incanted, “blanket my
foes.”
Mom and Dad’s bosses had not cancelled work,
since today was not Armageddon, and now it was
too late notice to get a babysitter. At least, it was
too late to get one for Augie—it might’ve been
possible to get a babysitter for some other child.
Augie’s father had already called every babysitter
in the area and all had said no. This may have
been because it was five in the morning, but it
also may have been because of the sound of Augie
cackling and chanting as her father tried to
explain what a well-behaved child she was. When
the babysitters asked about the insane laughter,
Dad insisted that it was just an insane goose that
had wandered into the house. But, since everyone
knows geese don’t ever yell “IT’S MINE! ALL
MINE, AT LAST! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Dad got
no takers.

---

“So,” she said, “would you like to hike with me?
My parents are away for a few hours, so the laws
of humanity may make no claim upon me.”

---

Now, Gawain, you must understand, was not
the best of knights. That was Lancelot, but Lancelot
was currently rampaging through the north
of France on a diplomatic mission.

---

Tiny yellow-haired men in fancy white and gold
uniforms came first, followed by strange birds
with the heads of human women. They unfortunately
still had the minds of birds and kept pecking
at seeds and saying “BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!”
which is what most birds mean to say when they
say “squawk.”

---

In fact humans have a joke about that. In
the number pi, the set of six 9s in a row is called
the Feynman point. The idea is you count to that
point, then say ‘999999, and so on’ and everyone
gets the wrong idea.

---

The squire located a few common fauna—a frog,
a newt, and an amphisbaena. One of those animals
may sound unfamiliar, so if you’ve never
seen a frog, it’s like a goat, but with the head of
a lizard and the body of a grasshopper.

---

You see, Gawain rarely noticed little
changes in his surroundings, which was why he
was very happy and had, at one point or another,
broken just about every bone in his body

---

“I’ll go first,” said Augie. It was one of her favor-
ite phrases, though it would nearly get her eaten
by a megalodon 12 years later.

---

You see, in the world of lords and ladies, the
rules are very strange. Regular folks like you and
I will often shake hands or exchange hugs and
kisses. But, the bodies of lords and ladies are con-
sidered to be sacred, and so can only be touched
by certain people. It’s sort of like when you’re on
a long trip and your brother or sister won’t stop
touching you and you say, “STOP TOUCHING
ME,” except that if you were a lady or lord, you
could have your sibling beheaded for it. This may
sound delightful, but you might come to regret it
in the long run.

---

At this, Gawain began to jitter and look side to
side. He felt sick and dizzy. “CURSE YOUR WISDOM,
TINY FRIEND!” he shouted.

---

“Fractions! Hahahaha! Why didn’t I think of
fractions sooner?” said Augie.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Dresden Files Storm Front Ch27

Final chapter! And no, I still don't know what's up with 27 chapters popping up all the time.

Morgan's face was over mine, and I realized he'd been giving me CPR. Eww.

Harry really needs to have one of those wrist bracelets: Allergic to non-hot-chick CPR, may provoke fatal attack of no homo.

"I did what I could," Morgan said, "but there were no hot chicks around and I had to respect his wishes. Let us take consolation in the fact he died as he lived: stupidly."

Monday, December 8, 2014

ORAS Trainer Sprites

I know, Fate, I know. You get this instead, I'm sorry.

I genuinely think this is the worst generation yet, and by far. This is possibly because they can now use real art and aren't limited by pixel sprites, meaning what we've been seeing was the reserved version.

It's really absolutely terrible. I think the underage cameltoe on "Battle Girl" is probably the absolute worst, though the upskirt shot of May in the contest sprite is a close second. The "Most Ridiculous" award goes to the woman with an umbrella, raincoat, and galoshes but no pants; the female Aqua admin's insanity is a close second.

They also got rid of a bunch of female classes-- there is no longer a female triathelete, for example, because equality is for 2002 I guess.

Perhaps most cringeworthy is some of the dialogue the female trainers get. Way, way too many start battles by talking about how weak they are or how they don't care, and an astounding zero male trainers do this, which I know because I paid attention to it.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

The Reconstruction Part 56 - "Sanctuary", "End of Days" (Guest Review)

Last time, the most important character in the game. Today, five updates in and we're just now starting the actual plot of the chapter because Tez makes me write too many words. I am a good reviewer.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Dresden Files Storm Front Ch26

Last time, Harry finally bothers to confront the guy he was hired to find at the start of the book.

Lion of the Tribe of Judah



I should have a Dresden post by the end of the day, or possibly slightly afterward but backdated. In the meantime, enjoy my very favorite Christian music song for the holidays.

While I don't believe in the devil, if there was one, and it was trying to subvert Christianity, this would absolutely be what it would look like.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Gamergate

I think this sums up the current iteration of Gamergate perfectly, and I hope it's the last that needs to be said on the issue.

I'd like to end this with the reminder that backlash happens in response to change, so as horrible as this is, it doesn't show things getting are steadily worse. It shows things are getting better and a lot of people being angry at that and trying very hard to make things worse again.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Dresden Files Storm Front Ch25

So hey guys. We are nearing the end of this terrible thing, and you've produced foefic and not all of you want to post it yourselves for some mysterious reason. Roarke's said to post theirs, so I'd like to extend that offer to the rest of the snippets - stick them together in a mass of gay and evil and/or incompetent Harry, credited to you by name or as anonymous not wanting to admit their shameful fanficing. Comment if you approve of us polluting the fandom together. It'll be on AO3, so I can add your name when you change your mind and accept you fanficced and are now a fanficcer forever and ever and ever and want your deserved credits.

And of course, anyone else who's already posted should mention it about now so we can all kudos you.

Back to the thing I'm slogging through,

The Sight of Victor's lake house will always be with me. It was an abomination.

Harry's still on about this, and he's still being boring as fuck about it.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Reconstruction Part 55 (Guest Review)

Last time, a very disappointing superboss. Today, we meet the most important character in the game and I have a lot to say about him.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Dresden Files Storm Front Ch23

So the reason this is so late is because it's a terrible chapter, I wrote it up twice, lost it both times, and needed a good sulk at the world's unfairness before I could get back to it.

When last we left Our Hero, he'd crushed a giant magic undead scorpion and I was explaining how crushed is still usable, go scrape up some scorpion chunks for your spell.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

The Reconstruction Part 54 (Guest Review)



Another sidequest today. I get the feeling it's intended for players to do this one later, but I like to get characters as soon as they're available.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Heroic Legends of the Modern Age: The Flash

Hello again, everyone!

So, at first I thought of doing the opposite of what Farla's been doing: instead of presenting all the awful things that comic book writers and artists do, I'd present good comics. But then I realized that was a silly proposition - I could present good comics (or good things by bad comics), but that doesn't negate the fact that the comics industry as a whole has some deeply ingrained issues regarding gender, race, a general fear and hatred of changes and, well, a whole lot of things.

However, while re-reading The Flash, volume 2, I was struck by lightning (appropriately enough) and decided to go on a different direction: a brief discussion on how the characterization of superheroes and the genre as a whole has changed over the years. To help keep things brief, I'll focus solely on the Flash, specifically the aforementioned second volume, but much of what I'll be addressing can be applied to other characters.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Magnus, Robot Fighter #2

Featuring more murder, more heels, and a fresh helping of racism. Objecting to any of this means you are literally Hitler.